My Mom, Betty Jean. What a Hoot!

My mom was a great lady. She was a wonderful Christian and really fun. She had a great sense of humor, a great heart and all us kids adored her.

Mom was well loved by everyone in her little town. I found that out when I was in Hinkley taking care of her once when she was sick. I think every person in the town called to see how she was doing. They all told me how wonderful she was and all the things she had done for them. I had always thought my mom was special, but I learned just how special she was that week.

Mom was gone before I wrote my books, but I know she would have loved them. I think Super Pig is a lot like Mom. Always ready to lend a helping hand, a loyal friend, full of simple wisdom.

Mom could be extremely funny too. She did hilarious things, without meaning to. She fell a lot, so we could excuse Connie by saying it is hereditary, but Mom also had another problem. After having 5 children she had a bit of a bladder control issue. Every time she laughed she wet her pants. (thank heavens, Connie didn't inherit that.)

This type if problem could be terrifying for her children. We kids would have a nervous break down in church, or anywhere, when something hit mom as funny. We would hold our breath and pray, "Please don't let mom wet her pants!"

Our little church in Hinkley supported missionaries in Nepal. One day they wrote us a letter and the pastor read it from the pulpit. They told us about their Nepalese friend they called "KaKa" which means "uncle" in Nepalese, but it means something else in America. For some reason this hit my mom as extremely funny. She giggled and giggled over it, which was very surprising because Mom always acted very proper in church, well most of the time anyway.  I was sweating bullets, trying not to laugh at all, so afraid she'd have an accident and we'd have to sneak out of church, probably while the last song was being sung . Thank heavens nothing happened, that time.

Mom had always been very thin in her younger years, but after all us kids and the passing of time, she began putting on weight. One day she decided  to join Weight Watchers. She did very well. She stuck to the program and lost a lot of weight. I was very proud of her. Though mom lost a lot of weight, she didn't go out and buy new clothes.

In those days it was very common for women to wear house dresses. They were just sleeveless shifts rather shapeless, but cool and comfortable on the desert. That's all I ever saw my mom wear as a kid. I never saw her wear pants or shorts, only dresses and of course nice dresses for church.  After losing the weight, Mom  felt the house dresses still looked okay and there was no money for new clothes anyway.

Since money was in short supply, you didn't go out and buy new clothes, and you certainly didn't waste it on silly things like, well new underwear for instance. Even if the ones you are now wearing are 3 sizes too big.

One day when I was about 13, I went grocery shopping with Mom. She wore one of her house dresses and her 3x too big underwear. As she was wheeling the cart around the grocery store, she had to stop often to adjust her much too large undergarment. After about the 10th adjustment, I made a fatal mistake. I started laughing. It was just so funny to watch her keep pulling up her undies. She kept saying, "These darn underwear!"  So I lost it. The bad news is, mom lost it too. We both got to laughing so hard, and I guess you know what happened....Mom wet her pants.

So here we are in the soda pop aisle and Mom is standing in a rather large puddle. She looks at me and says, "Lets get out of here!" So we fled leaving the soda aisle and puddle far behind, (I hoped they'd think a bottle of Mountain Dew had exploded.) but we didn't leave the store. We had driven 12 miles from Hinkley to the big town of Barstow to do our shopping and we couldn't just leave, we had to finish.

Now Mom had two problems. She was wet and her undies were so heavy she couldn't keep them up without holding on to them. She says to me, "You push the cart and I'll keep my hands in my pockets and hold up my underwear." It was so hard to control my laughter, but I had too. I couldn't risk mom laughing again.

So I pushed the cart and Mom held up her pants. I'm following her around the store, when I see something rather odd. Something hanging out from under her dress. I realized, much to my horror, that it's her underwear. They are now so droopy, they are hanging rather low.

 Now it's not funny. I am a teenager about to be totally humiliated by my mother. I break out in a cold sweat and feel sick to my stomach. I say, quietly yet with emotion, "Mom! Your underwear are hanging out from under your dress!" She says, "Oh, are they?" She goes behind an end cap and gives her undies a might tug, pulling her dress almost up to her waist in the process, trying to adjust her.. situation.

I am dying now. I don't even remember what happened after that, I think I may have blacked out. I just remember being in the check out lane. My sense of humor has now returned and I want to laugh again. Mom tells me to go wait in the car. (She told me later the whole time she waited in line, pee was dripping in her shoe. I'm so glad I had to wait in the car.)

I don't know how she managed to push the cart to the car and hold things together, (and I didn't ask), but she soon appeared at the drivers side door. She got in the car, took off her undies, wrapped them in newspaper and put them in the trunk.

On the way home, she had to pull the car over, we were laughing so hard.

I'm glad I had such a funny mom, one who did such crazy things, and could laugh at herself. She never seemed to get upset about her crazy antics, she just always laughed. Super Pig would have loved her. I miss her.

Mom and Dad married 53 years

My Sister Connie

Super Pig has several sisters, but she never sees them. That's life on a farm. Animals are bought and sold, most don't stay with family. But the animals get a whole new family. Super Pig has a big family on Hollyhock Farm and The Piney Woods. She thinks of Gussie Cow as a sister and Barney Horse as a brother, and I'm sure if she could see her real sisters, they'd be very close. Just like my sisters and I are. Maybe one day I'll write a story about SP rescuing her sister.

I've never really had to rescue my sister, though maybe I should have a few times. She gotten into a number of scrapes in her life. Or maybe I should say she has gotten scrapes. You see my sister Connie has this bad habit.
She falls....a lot. She's been doing it her whole life. I'm kind of amazed she's still alive.

(Now, before I tell the stories I'm going to tell, I want to asure you that I am not being mean. Connie has told these stories 100's of times herself, and she laughs as hard as everyone.)

The falling started young. While in school she fell getting on the bus everyday. She just couldn't seem to lift her feet high enough to miss hitting that last step. She'd go sprawling, books flying everywhere. I guess the bus driver just got used to waiting at our stop for her to pick herself up and find a seat.

She fell a lot in college  too. One day she fell down the steps of the main building and ripped both heels off her only pair of shoes. She had to walk 5 blocks, in her slippers, to the nearest shoe repair. I've lost count of how many times she has fallen down stairs.

My favorite story happened in downtown Omaha, Nebraska, that's where she went to college. It was at night, she was with 3 friends. As she began to cross the main street, she got to the middle and the light turned green for the cars to go. She didn't know what to do, keep going or go back. While dancing from side to side trying to make up her mind, she hit an icey patch of road and fell. Her friends had already crossed and one of them, Faith, yelled, "Go for it Andrews!" So she crawled on her hands and knees across  a street with 6 lanes of traffic.

Can you imagine being one of the people in a car watching this girl crawl across the street? In a dress no less, shredding her nylons and scraping her knees. One of her friends was laughing so hard she wet her pants. They had to go to a Wolworths store where they had a floor heater so her friend could dry out.

 She fell outside a theater one evening and knocked out a tooth. She let myself and a friend off, because we were a bit late, and went to park the car . I bought her ticket and waited for her in the lobby. I see her just leisurely walking in. I'm about to yell at her, "Hurry up!" When she says, "Guess what I just did," I could see blood on her lip, so I said, "You fell." She opens her hand and there is her tooth! She had started to run to the theater from the parking lot and the sidewalk was uneven. She caught her foot on a lifted piece and fell flat on her face. At least she got some money for that one. The building management paid to fix her tooth, replace her scratched glasses and the trips to the chiropractor, even gave her extra for pain and suffering.

And to show you what a trooper she is, she still went to the movie that night and sat through the whole thing with a lip the size of a grapefruit.

She went with a friend to Celebration and triped again on a sidewalk, she thinks; she has no memory of how it happened, again falling flat on her face. This time attractive young men ran to her aide. This time it might have been worth it. One insisted she sit and he get her some water. What a nice young man. When she got home she tried to act normal, just talking to me, telling me about her day, but I noticed all was not well. Her lip looked strangely familiar, like I had seen it look that way before. I said,"What happened to your lip?" She just looked at me with that look and I knew. "Did you fall again?!" What a mess her lip was for days. I took a picture of it to put on Facebook.

A number of years ago, early one morning she went to get air in her tires. As she squated to put the air in, she lost her balance. Air hoses used to be up high on these polls. You had to really pull on them to get them to your car and they were always rather taut. Well as she lost her balance she hung on to the air hose and went swinging around on it. Kind of like an uncoordinated Tarzan, yell and all, well more like screaming really. (I'm laughing so hard just thinking about it I can hardly type.)

 Wouldn't you have loved to be one of the guys in the truck parked next to her? Or be in a car driving by. The gas station was on a very busy street. I'm sure she was the talk of many an offfice that day.

One day I came home from work to find her sitting on the floor between the hall and the kitchen. She had taken the week off work and was painting the baseboard trim. I thought thats what she was doing, but she didn't have a paint brush and she was looking up at me with that look. I said, "What are you doing?" "Oh, I fell."  Why did I even have to ask. It seems she had mopped the kitchen floor and was trying to step over a wet spot and didn't quite make it. One foot went sliding and the other did not so she did the splits, banging her head on the hall wall in the process. She said she was seeing stars so sat down. See what I mean when I say it is amazing she is still alive?

My dear sister has been the source of great entertainment for our group of friends. We have laughed ourselves sick many an evening retelling the stories. They never seem to get old. These are only half of the stories I can tell, and will tell, but I'll save some for another time.

I'm glad Super Pig is around now. I think Connie is going to need her.

What to do about sleep.

Super Pig loves sleep. Pigs love to take naps, they like to lay around in their wallows and snooze. After a day of rescuing, SP has no trouble at all falling fast asleep. She says her prayers, rolls over and is out. Me... not so much.

I never sleep. I have forgotten what sleep looks like. I think it's black with some dreams mixed in. I do get some sleep.  I usually fall asleep at around 6am, just in time for my alarm to go off. I have over slept 3x this week. I don't ever remember turning off my alarm. I think maybe I should just change my hours so I can work at night. I sleep much better during the day. Maybe I was a vampire in my other life. I never feel like biting necks, so maybe not. Well there was this really cute repairman at work once. Just Kidding! Neck biting isn't allowed at the office.

I am on my 5th sleeping pill. It does nothing, nada, zip. I think I'm amune. I don't get numb at the dentist either.

Maybe I'm a zombie. No, I've never eaten anyones face off, (do you ever watch those movies?) so I guess I'm not one of those either. But I have bitten off a few heads in my time.  =}

I fell asleep at my computer last week. One of my co-worker, who shall remain nameless, Theresa, went and got my boss. "Come look at Roxanna." There I was, head flopped over, mouth hanging open, sound asleep. I didn't even know she had done that, until my boss told me. Good thing my boss is my sister.

I have lots of people praying for me. I'm just waiting for the Lord to answer. I hope He does so soon. Maybe he wants me awake for a reason. Maybe I should pray and read my bible. Nay, that can't be the reason.  =}

Until next time, sweet dreams.

Super Pigs Thoughts on Foot in Mouth Disease

Super Pig has a fear of hoof and mouth disease, not a pleasent thing for an animal to get. She is also all to familiar with foot in mouth disease. She has said a few things she shouldn't and wishes she haden't. Like the time she told Gussie Cow she could stand to lose a few pounds. Gussie was very hurt and didn't speak to SP for a whole week. Or the time she told Judy Groundhog she was too small to be jumping into the leaf pile. She was afraid they would lose her. Judy was most offended by this, after all she was a grown groundhog and should be allowed to play the leaf jumping game if she wanted to.

I can also put my foot in my mouth. I'm really good at that. Saying things I shouldn't, saying too much, talking without thinking about the consequences. I do most of my foot in mouth episodes by e-mail. I'm so much braver hiding behind my computer. I can say all the things I'm thinking but am too cowardly to say in person. Thank goodness for e-mail, huh? What did we do before we had it? Keep our mouths shut or something?

Like everything technology can be good and bad. It's not technolgoies fault I'm an idot. Or is it? Can I blame all my problems on technology? Why yes I think I can! If the present adminstration can blame everything on George W. Bush, I think I can blame all my flaws on technology!  Oh I feel so much better.

But seriously, one of my goals for this year is to learn from my mistakes, to grow more as a person and a Christian. To keep quiet if I should and to pray more, and watch God work. I've come to the conclusion that maybe God can do a better job of things then me. Do you think that is possible?
"God are you sure you don't need me to run around like an idiot, saying lots stupid things and trying to fix everybody so they do things the right way? Can't I at least fix that really weird person I have to work with everyday? No? Okay."

What Super Pig Thinks of Cars

Super Pig doesn't drive, but she would like to, and she does love riding in cars, especially the back of the Farmer's pickup Truck. She loves the wind in her face and she likes to let her tongue hang out and flap in the breeze. Maybe one day I will write a story where Super Pig has to drive a car. She has been bugging me to do just that, and I just might.

I see cars as a nessesary evil. I know many of you reading this are horrified by that statement. Cars are so beautiful, they can go so fast, they have A/C and heat and music. Some have a sunroof. One of my co-workers, Ruth, her car has a sunroof. It's always fun to watch her panic on rainy days. "Oh no! Is it raining?! Did I close my sun roof?" She runs to the window to look out at the parking lot. "I can't tell from here. Oh dear!" Next time we see her she is soaking wet from having run out to check. And of course the sunroof was closed.

Don't get me wrong, I am very greatful to have a car. They are really good for getting places. But I don't like the price at the pump. For the first time in my life it is costing me almost $50 to fill my tank. And don't even get me started on the toll roads! And then they break down. I'm still paying for the last repairs I had done over 6mos ago. And my trunk won't stay closed. Some screw thingy came out and now it just pops open anytime it feels like it. It's so embarrassing. It's really hard to look cool when your trunk pops open and you go banging down the road with the lid flopping up and down. Well I decided to take care of that. Thank heavens for duck tape. It comes in so many colors now, so I got a color that matches my trunk. No one will ever know it's taped. It's like it's invisable. And it did the trick. No more embarrassing "trunk popping".

And then there's my back window. It won't roll all the way up anymore. I wonder if duck tape would work for that? And my A/C knob broke so I have to use these cute little pink pliers to turn it up and down. And thats not easy going 80 down 417. I have been trying to get a new knob. I found one on Ebay. They wanted just .99, a good deal, but they wanted $10 to mail it. A tiny piece of plastic that doesn't even register on a scale and they are telling me it will cost $10 to mail?! I don't think so.


And you know that pole thing that hold up your hood when you have to look under it? Well mine disappeared somewhere. Where could it have gone? Now I take my life in my hands everytime I have to put in oil and water. It's now a two man job just to fill up the window washer with fluid. And my hubcap flew off somewhere one day, I don't know when or where, so I only have 3 hubcaps now. Can't remember to buy new ones for the life of me. But I do have a really cute Micky Mouse antena thingy. Comes in handy when I lose my car. Oh and that reminds me, my antena won't go up and down any more either.

My car is a Toyota, thank goodness it doesn't just take off on it's own, careening down the road, no way to stop. Although I did try to use that as an excuse the time that nice policeman pulled me over for going 80 while ajusting my A/C with the pliers. "But officer, my car is a Toyota and it just took off. I was so scared! Thank heavens it stopped!" I don't think he believed me.

I live in fear of the next thing to fall apart. Maybe a bumper will fall off or a door. But in the mean time, it runs well, it gets me where I need to go and I am greatful for it. And when the time comes to replace it, I know the Lord will provide. Maybe something a little sportier this time Lord, maybe red, with leather interior, and maybe one I can start up from the office and it will drive around and pick me up. Okay Lord? What do you mean,  "No way"?

Super Pigs view on weight loss

Well being a pig and all, Super Pig is really against weight loss, so I don't think I will ask her advise on this one.

I, however, am very much for weight loss, for myself anyway. I often look in the mirror and wonder, "What happened?!!!"  I used be so thin, I used to be so young. Who is this person in the mirror. Well time goes on and theres really nothing I can do about the getting old thing. Must put on my big girl (but not as big as they were) panties and deal with it.

I know there's nothing to be done about getting old, but something can be done about losing weight. So one day, I joined Weight Watchers At Work. It was great. This really nice lady named Pat would come to my office. She would weigh me, not so nice, but she would give tips and encourage me and give me coupons. I lost 28lbs!! I was very happy. But...in order for there to be a WW at Work, your group had to have 15 people. How do you ask people to join Weight Watchers? "You know you really should try Weight Watchers." "Have you ever thought about losing weight? Not that you need to or anything." After less then a year, we had to disband.

So what to do. I could always join another WW, they have them all over. But I'm too lazy to drive there. So I decided to join online...not doing too well with that. I gained back almost 3lbs! Oh man!!  No way was I gaining back all that weight!

 A friend on Facebook had told me about a bible study that helped with weight loss. It was free, you did it every day for 60 days online. You were asigned a mentor and had to have an accountability partner. So I signed up. I felt it could be very helpful.

For 30 days I faithfully did my study. Some of it was pretty heavy duty, I would feel exhauted after a lesson. At the end of 30 days they do an evaluation to see how you are doing before going on with the next 30 days. Well I hadn't lost a single pound in the whole 30 days and since I had not lost, they felt I should repeat the first 30 days.. again. Have you ever flunked a bible study?

So now I am back at it with WW. I am tracking my points, exercising, drinking lots of water and I still haven't lot anymore weight. What is it, glued on with super glue or something? Come on already!

But, I will keep at it. My goal is to lose another 10lbs, at least, this year. It's looking impossible right now. You know maybe Super Pig has a point. Is being thin and healthy and looking better really all that great? Hmm.. I'm going to have to think about that.

All I ever needed to know in life I learned from Super Pig

Not really, I must have known something before Super Pig came into my life, because I created her.

Maybe I should tell you a little about Super Pig. She is a character in the stories I write, the main character actually. She's really just an ordinary pig, with one difference. She believes she is a Super Hero. To be a Super Hero you have to have super powers. Super Pig has none, but she believes she does, and so do her friends. She has a wonderful group of friends. They are really her alter ego Pinky's friends, but they all love Super Pig. Who doesn't love a Super Hero.  And they believe she is going to rescue them when they call on her. They have no doubts at all. And when Super Pig gets in over her head, she calls on her friends for help, and they help. They never say, "Well you're the Super Hero. Do it yourself."  She is their friend and they help when asked.

That is what makes Super Pig so unique. Super Heroes almost always work alone. Of course some have a side kick, but often, they aren't really friends with that person. They never seem to have any close friends. They don't want to let anyone in, they don't want anyone too close. But not Super Pig. Her friends range from cows and ducks, to lizards and porcupines. She'd be a poor Super Hero if not for her friends. In fact I think it is her friends who give her super powers.

There is nothing like a great friendship. I have had friends that I'm still close to after more then 30 years, some I've known for 50. I think my friends give me super powers too. I have a circle of friends I call "The Gang". We get together often and laugh.  There is nothing like great friends to laugh with. They are always there for me. I trust them with my life. I can tell them anything;  and if they still love me after all these years, with all my ups and downs, all my flaws, all the stupid things I've said and done over the years, well maybe, just maybe, they are really the ones who have super powers.